Don't misunderstand me. Tour is wonderful. I am truly enjoying this chance to see so much of our great country firsthand. It is amazing how different the world is compared to what you thought it would be, even the land we call home. But after I signed my contract to stay on for another season, it dawned on me...this is my life. All of a sudden the end of tour was no longer the end. Now I am not even halfway through my time on the road. And while I will certainly get a chance to go home and see all of the people I love, that dream of a place to call my own is yet again put on hold. Now by no means is this a bad place to be. Another year of work in the acting world is nothing to sneeze at. And all of the things that this opportunity will afford me once I return are absolutely worth the time and effort now. But still, the idea of another year with my life sweetly compacted into two suitcases and a bookbag seems a little daunting.
As every performer does, I wonder if I will be missing out on any opportunities by staying away from New York for so long. I miss the people I care for most, and wonder how I can maintain all of the relationships I have built over the years. And what about all of those projects I was working on before I left? Must they collect more dust? Am I just putting my dreams on hold, or am I accomplishing something? Can I really do the same thing every day for another year? Isn't constant change one of the draws for an acting career? Sitting here, praying that I have made the right decision, I realized that all I need is a little change of perspective, a little structure, and a little more discipline. What was at first an amazing once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for an extended working vacation, has become a shift in job description. I travel for my job.
Yes, that was already true. And also obvious. But in redefining this for myself, I realized I need a new approach to my lifestyle if I am going to survive the long haul. I don't need to exhaust myself seeing and doing it all, plus a full time job and months on the bus. There is a way to balance exploring these wonderful new things, and taking time to have a personal life. I started to think, if I was home at an apartment in NYC, and only had to do my show at night, what would I do with my day? This became the outline for my new view on daily living. I forgot that if I were not away, I would be doing so many other things that I love. And just because I am on the road doesn't mean I have to forgo them altogether. I can still take an hour to read instead of wandering around another mall. I am allowed to stay home and watch a movie, instead of going out to yet another bar. These people aren't going anywhere. I should take some time for myself. It will probably do me some good. And while I still love performing the show, doing it everyday is allowed to be a "means to an end." It's way better than anything else I would find to afford city living.
So now I am doing my best to bring back my life, instead of putting it off. This website overhaul was one project I am so happy to have finished. I have so many more things I want to accomplish, and can't wait to show everyone. I realized, I have the opportunity to actually create so much of what I hope to, and then some. I have wonderfully talented people to draw upon. There is no reason to put anything off. For once in my life I have the time, resources and security to accomplish anything I put my mind to. And finally figuring this out, I know that I absolutely made the right decision to stay. It is only one more year away from my dream of New York. There is so much more to see, more to learn, and more room to grow. What I can accomplish in this time will make me all the more ready to take the city by storm once I finally hit that pavement.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. EXPLORE. DREAM. DISCOVER." - Mark Twain